I began to ask myself, could I really kill an animal? Could I spill blood? It had not really run across my mind, till I had an elk within my scope and a trigger pull away of completing the job. The light was too low, and the elk buried within to many aspen trees, so I could not get a good shot at it. But it left me asking, could I do it? Should I do it?
I was to join the company of men as Al Capone, Jimmy Hoffa, and Charles Manson. A killer. Yes, it was an animal, but it was pre-meditated, and it was a life, and a bullet that I had aimed to take it. It was one thing to watch a friend, but to be the murderer, it brought up many more questions. Spiritual ones.
I was choosing to put something to death. A living creature was about to be destroyed because of my decision. While there was a nostalgia in much of hunting, this was different. It brought a soberness. This wasn’t a video game, or paintball. I could not change my mind, once I had taken the shot. It was a permanent decision. There were real consequences. I found myself contemplating the question, could I kill something that I have grown to see as strong, and beautiful, and the reason I had found so many thing in the wilderness, with men, and God. I was about to kill the thing that had led me here.
Would I be able to take a life?